I was jogging
over a small bridge, lost in a mental collage of prayers and daydreams on that
warm spring day when the words clearly broke through my reverie. “You know,
Sondra, when the prodigal son came home, he didn’t bring the pigs with him.”
I continued
running, but inside me everything stopped. Unnerved and also a bit amused, I
knew I had some decisions to make.
I had happily
given my life to Christ about ten years before and for the first couple of
years eagerly immersed myself in bible study and prayer, enjoying an experience
with God that was almost palpable. Then one day, that tangible presence of God
suddenly disappeared.
As the years passed
I tried to get that feeling back, but it was no use. Bible study, worship,
witnessing, church attendance, and prayer did not bring it back. Slowly,
gradually, I began to do those things less and less until eventually I was not
attending church at all.
By then, my marriage
was also in serious trouble. I tried in my own strength to fix the problem, but
I was no match for the seductive women who had come out of the woodwork to take
advantage of the situation.
Feeling hopeless,
I started going out to bars trying to fill the void as my marriage
disintegrated and my deceptive feelings told me God was nowhere to be found.
When my marriage of fifteen years ended in divorce, and I was devastated. I
started dating, and for a while I could forget the pain. I stayed out all night,
but in the morning I felt empty.
I knew I needed
to make my way back to God. In my heart I cried to Him, asking Him to come find
me because I could not find my way back to Him, and He did just that. After
many false starts, I finally made it inside the doors of the church and slipped
into the back row, just as the music began to play. Suddenly, everything in me
came alive, a sense of relief washed over me, and I knew I was home.
The numb places
inside me revived, and I knew on a deep level that God had always been there,
even though I was temporarily blinded to that fact. The journey back from that
pigpen was difficult because of all the junk I had brought into my life, but my
Heavenly Father lovingly came alongside, gently confronting my double life with
humor and encouragement, like the wisecrack about the prodigal son.
As I gave up the
boyfriends and the nightlife and resumed my routine of daily bible reading and
prayer, the Lord began to show me His plan for my restoration. One day, I came
upon Isaiah 54. I sat stunned as the words on the page came alive and spoke specific
to my particular situation.
The words
resonated inside me like a bass drum. I was that wife who married young only to
be rejected (v. 6). For a time I did feel that God abandoned me and hid His
face from me (vv. 7-8). My life had been riddled with fear and shame for as
long as I could remember (v. 4). I had been lashed by storms and not comforted
(v. 11), beginning with childhood abuse, being a socially awkward wallflower
throughout grade school, dropping out of high school, and then enduring a
marriage where I was constantly ignored and ultimately rejected.
As the Lord
showed me a mirror of my past on the pages of His book, it forced me to also
believe and trust in His intentions for my future also written there. He is
filled with love and compassion for me (vv. 8-10). He wants me to enlarge the
place of my tents in expectation of all that is coming (v. 2). He plans to
rebuild my life with strength and beauty (vv. 11-12). His promises extend not
only to me but to my family (vv. 3, 13). So for me, there are no more excuses
for feeling sorry for myself, dreading the future, or worrying about my
children.
God has been
using Isaiah 54 as the bulwark for rebuilding my life over the past 20 years,
and I use these passages as a foundation for sharing His restorative plan with
others who may have felt used, abused, abandoned, or rejected. When it comes to
broken lives, God truly is in the renovation business.
Our God is certainly amazing and so very true to His Word...He never lets us go even when we can't see His Hand at work... Your story mirrors mine in so many ways...Thankfully we serve the God of Second Chances!!! You can read my story here to see what I mean. In my case He spoke to me about the Samaritan Woman at the well!! http://ariete-pieterse.blogspot.com/2014/10/whyi-hear-you-ask-do-you-call-yourself.html
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